Self-Disclosure: Permissible in Coaching?

I have been reflecting for some time on whether self-disclosure is acceptable as a coach, and if so, how much is okay?  Regardless of whether we self-disclose or not, we are “in it”, and the concept that we are providing a non-judgemental, blank space, where we are detached and objective, is flawed. After all, we are meaning-making creatures and all our questions, interventions, and responses derive from who we are as individual beings, as Edna Murdoch says, “who we are is how we coach”.  Alongside this, much has been written on the use of the self as an instrument.  In some ways, just by the nature of our interventions and our presence, we are self-disclosing.

I believe that without bringing an element of self with some self-disclosure we are operating as an automaton, devoid of humanity, humility and vulnerability. If this is the case, how are we as coaches going to differentiate ourselves from AI?  In addition, by not bringing all of self and avoiding self-disclosure we are in some way projecting and perpetuating a fantasy that we are “a fixed, finished, perfect and sorted individual”.  We are thereby possibly making ourself as the coach more powerful than the coachee – yet we are both human beings dealing with the messiness of life and living through the ups and “slumpity slumps” (Dr Seuss) of being human.  Revealing something of self and some self-disclosure can demonstrate we are equal as a fellow human being – it brings our humanity into the relationship.  Our clients need to know that we too are vulnerable, have imperfections and wounds.  Without this we are likely to come across as cold and inhuman.

However, how do we self-disclose without distracting the client and to be in absolute service of the client?  The professional bodies seem to infer that self-disclosure can be used sparingly if it is in service of the client, and we constantly remember who the session is for – but how do we really know in the moment what’s in service and what’s not?  And there is always the risk it can change the relationship, how our role is perceived and how the client relates to us.

Other writers (Bachkirova, De Haan) acknowledge that using self in a conscious, deliberate way is key to effective coaching.  However, as coaches:

• We must ensure we have processed fully the experience, issue, perspective before we share it.  We must be able to manage and bracket our stuff so that we can remain present with the client.
• Challenge ourselves on whether we are ‘really’ sharing for the client’s benefit or are we deluding ourselves – after all we all do this work to meet an unmet need in ourselves and to heal ourselves!
• Reflect on whether we are moving away from coaching  to mentoring.  I also hear Nancy Kline’s voice in my head asking: “how do we know that whatever we say, do or ask will be of more value than what the coachee is about to think?” And therefore, will our sharing interrupt their thinking and guide them down our own path?
• It is important we are critically reflective of how we are showing up and working to be aware of our assumptions, biases, judgements etc – no surprise then that coach self-awareness is critical.

For me this is about permitting myself to bring my humanity with some self-disclosure whilst being in service of the client, as Rachel Cook says: “we need to maintain as much privacy as we need in order to feel safe …and to ensure our clients are afforded the privacy that they need to feel safe and contained without being intruded upon. But we also need to be free to be transparent and to make space in the room for our humanity.” (Cook, 2026; p76)